Lighter Side

I’ve been hiding from Exercise. I’m in the fitness protection program.

I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk now, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely.

At my age, the last hope I have for a smoking hot body is when I’m cremated.

Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Exercise? I thought you said Extra Fries!

I feel like I should clean the house, so I’m going to lay down and nap until that feeling passes.

There’s only one of me, so … does that make me a lim...