We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
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While several schools performed their productions via Zoom or other online methods, and Orangeville made sure to keep no more than two performers on stage at any one time for their production, Freeport pulled off a creative production of the classic musical You're A Good Man Charlie Brown outside – using Krape Park's Bandshell for the production. The bandshell itself allowed for perfect levels that Director, Tim Connors, made good use of so that Schroeder's piano was off on one area all by i...
High School is like a free trial on education. Then once you've graduated they say, "Now if you want to continue, pay $50,000." The teacher told us to bring a pencil to class tomorrow ... so what's a pencil? You can take a student's phone away, but you're supposed to give it back to them after class – not sell it on ebay. My teacher isn't qualified for spelling. She spells "U" y-o-u. She spells "BRB" r-e-t-u-r-n, and she spells "BFN" g-o-o-d-b-y-e. Once I learn how to use Google, isn't that all the education I need? Mrs. Anderson, is there s...
The Lena Lions announce plans for the Fall Festival to be held September 10 & 11 in downtown Lena! Back will be all the favorites - festival games, entertainment, food and the parade. This year we will again hold a raffle for 2021 Polaris ATV but are planning a 50/50 Cash Raffle (in place of the car raffle). We are excited about this change and think it will be a hit!! The Lena Lions Club is committed to following the current CDC guidelines in every effort to make this a safe and wonderful...
Beginning on May 29th, a special free musical performance will be taking place in Lions Park in Lena on Saturday nights beginning at 6:30 pm. Unlike Music in the Park, this is going to be a Park Ministry series – offering uplifting religious messages in addition to the music presentation. The hope of the organization is that the series will be changing locations throughout the are as new venues become available, but for now it is all happening at Lions Park. The schedule of performances includes: May 29: SET FREE SINGERS…..Freeport, Sha...
I've figured out a way to get my teenage son to cut the grass. I told him to think of the lawn mower like a giant joystick, and he has to cut down the evil tall grass army until it's all gone, but he loses points if he cuts one of his mother's flowers. Neighbor law #1 – Cut your grass at 7:00 am on a Saturday morning and your neighbors will know which house to egg and toilet paper first this Halloween. Neighbor Law #2 – The first person to cut their grass in the Spring establishes Dad dominance in the eyes of all of the wives, and a curse fro...
How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb? – Submitted by Paula Morhardt GOLDEN RETRIEVER: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? BORDER COLLIE: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. DACHSHUND: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! ROTTWEILER: Make me. LAB: Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? TIBETAN TERRIER: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me w...
Freeport High School Theatre Department is proud to present the delightful musical You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown at the Krape Park Band Shell Thursday and Friday, May 6 and 7, at 5 p.m., and Saturday, May 8, at 2 p.m. Director Tim Connors says, "The cast and crew are thrilled to perform again after so many months without any performances. This family-friendly show is the perfect way to enjoy a live performance. If you like the comic strip "Peanuts," then you will love this musical." Good ol'...
The inaugural Pretzel Fest is scheduled for April 24 in Downtown Freeport to celebrate the history and comradery of the Pretzel City. Activities, food, shopping and fun for all ages between 10 am to 4 pm on Chicago Avenue. The Pretzel Fest BBQ Competition will kick off in the early hours of the morning with aromas to entice all residents and visitors. The Stephenson County Historical Society will present fun facts on the history of Freeport as the Pretzel City, and Mayor Jodi Miller will deliver a proclamation commemorating April 24 as Pretzel...
Time to plant my garden ... or, as the bunnies in the neighborhood call it ... my "all you can eat buffet." How do I always seem to find the plants without the will to live? I like to help the neighbors with their gardening. I mean, somebody's got to eat all those veggies. I put a birdhouse in my back yard. Does that count as a twitter feed? I've decided to let my lawn die ... I just can't take another day of seeing it suffer. Gardening requires lots of water ... most of it in the form of perspiration. I garden in the nude ... it's a lot...
The Mighty Richland Players have started their 20th anniversary season off with a bang by being one of the theaters chosen to world-premiere the award-winning Phil Olson play, The Birthday Club. Having been involved with Olson in the reading and editing of the play, the theater was then chosen to premiere the show, and is the only theater doing an on-stage performance with a live audience and not live-streaming. The cast is excited to bring this play to the stage. It’s so funny that the actors have been having a hard time getting their lines o...
I have discovered the secret to a clean house ... never let your children of your husband enter it. I always find something I've lost when I do my spring cleaning. This year, it was my mind. I was going to clean my house, but then someone commented on my status. I'd do spring cleaning, but then I'd just have to turn around and do it again next spring. Honey, we need to do Spring cleaning more often. I just found three eight track tapes under the couch. Someone sent me an email about using Vodka for cleaning around the house. It Worked! The...
VOICES of Stephenson County is sponsoring a free goat yoga session on Tuesday, April 20. The event will be outside at their office, 565 N. Turner Ave. in Freeport. The rain date is April 21. Jenn from Galena Goat Yoga, with her goats in tow, will lead attendees through basic yoga poses as they play and interact with the animals. The event is open to the public and includes 1 ½ hours of fun and relaxation. Goat Yoga is part of VOICES' observance of April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Although this is a light-hearted activity, the...
My uncle tried to cross an angry sheep with a moody cow. All he got was an animal that's in a very Baaaaad Moooooood. What do you call a sleeping cow? ... (A Bull dozer) Well, I was offered 15 million to do a movie with Julia Roberts, but I'll keep farming ... that was a joke. After listening to the blowhard try to tell him how he should improve his farm, the old farmer asked the man, "Did you ever notice that rabbit poop comes out as little pellets, while cow poop spreads out like a pancake?" "No," the blowhard said in disgust. "Well then,...
I found a way to break my dog from begging at the table – I brought home hospital food. My doctor told me they were going to run some tests ... to see how my insurance reacts. I got my new prescription medicine from the pharmacy today. They warned me that I might experience irritability and pain in the hands and wrist – but that was just from trying to get the childproof cap off. I actually like going into the hospital. I think I'll order some Ketamine for my appetizer, then ask the doctor what opiate he recommends for my entrée. They arre...
The Northwest Illinois Daily Drawing (a cooperative fundraiser) announces the winners for March. The Daily Drawing is a drawing for 365 daily cash prizes from October 1, 2020 – September 30, 2021 to those donating for a ticket. Over $21,000 is paid out to ticket holders during the drawing year. Cash prizes vary between $50 and $250. A ticket may win multiple times as each ticket remains in the drawing each day for the entire year, no matter how often it may be drawn. Sponsoring organizations from Jo Daviess, Carroll & Stephenson County i...
What is the Easter Bunny's Favorite kind of music? ... (Hip Hop) Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? ... (Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan) I saw a six foot bunny at the mall yesterday. Either it's almost Easter, or my doctor screwed up my meds again. Why did the Easter Egg hide? ... (He was a little chicken) Why was the Easter Bunny upset? ... (He was having a bad hare day) What day does an Easter Egg hate the most? ... (Fry-day) Why should you never tell an Easter Egg a joke? ... (It might crack up) I just had the...
The Lena Sons of the American Legion, Squadron 577, in conjunction with the Iron Horse Tap in Lena is running a progressive Queen of Hearts Raffle to benefit various Veterans causes in Lena and Northwest Illinois. Tickets are 6 for $5.00 and can be purchased at the Iron Horse Tap in Lena at 137 West Railroad Street during normal business hours or at the Lena American Legion Hall at 316 West Main Street in Lena from 10:00 a.m. – 12:00p.m. Saturday mornings. Weekly drawings are held every S...
Ever since the Covid pandemic shut down everything, theatrical performances at schools were shut down. But last weekend, Orangeville High School was the first to "raise the curtain" on the stage with a production of "The Show Must Go On." Basically, it was like watching an actors workshop – or as the Director Joey Davis called it – Black Box Theater. There was no set – just a black background. No Props. No Costumes – just actors dressed in black. Because the entire focus of the perform...
I know they say that June 20th is the longest day of the year, but those days when the relatives come for barbecue just seem longer. I could be a morning person ... if morning happened around noon. Spring needs to stand up to winter and kick it in the snowballs. Since the wedding guests included all of the bride's female volleyball teammates, her bouquet stayed in the air for two hours. If you see a rabbit laying little brown eggs, don't eat them – they're not chocolate. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. Big deal you might say, b...
If you wear your jeans for five straight days, they become all baggy and it looks like you're losing weight. You don't need to carry a gun for protection, just carry a fork. Then if someone tries to rob you, whip out the fork, scream, "Thank you God for this meal you have provided," and run straight at them. This must have been the weather our parents walked to school in. I finally found a way to get people to stop asking me questions ... I answer back in interpretive dance. I can't wait to tell my grandchildren that "Back in my day, there was...
Pick Up Lines You may, or may not, want to use ... Dang girl, are you my appendix? Because I don't understand how you work, but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out. Hey, my name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight? Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you I smile. Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot? Well, here I am! What are your other two wishes? I should call you Google, because you have everything I'm looking for. I'm not actually this tall, I'm just sitting on my wallet. I know...
You know you've been cooped up for too long when you keep a telemarketer on the phone, and then thank them for calling. When I die, will someone please go to my funeral dressed like the Grim Reaper? Don't say anything, just stand there. Honestly, I think I'm still single because I never forwarded those chain email messages back in 2008. Damn, my kids are turning out just like me. Well played Karma, Well played. I want to create Happy Singles Awareness Day! An entire holiday devoted to staying in yoga pants and eating chocolate. My company...
The reason you never see elephants hiding in trees is because they're so good at it. To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket ... you can hide, but you can't run. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. It may look like I'm having deep thoughts, but 99% of the time I'm just thinking about what I'm going to eat later. Darth Vader knew what Luke was getting him for Christmas because he felt his presents. A boomerang that won't come back is not a boomerang ... it's a stick. Why did the M&M go to school? (It wanted to be a...
The Mighty Richland Players Dessert Theater (MRPDT) in Orangeville have announced their 2021 20th Anniversary season. Their plan is to perform three shows this year, including a world-premier. Award-winning playwright, Phil Olsen, has chosen Mighty Richland Players Dessert Theater as one of the theaters to world-premiere his newest play. The comedy, "The Birthday Club," has already won awards in theatrical competitions, and the theater is excited to bring it to the stage. This play introduces...
I'm spending Valentine's Day with my true love ... food. Women refer to it as Valentine's Day ... Men have another name for it ... Extortion Day. Valentine's Day is just a harsh reminder that I am forever alone. Valentine's Day was created because love isn't quite complicated enough as it is. Hey, if you don't have a Valentine on Valentine's Day, don't be sad ... Most people don't have Aids on World Aids Day either. I used to be sad on Valentine's Day because nobody loved me. But then I realized – nobody loves me on the other days of the year e...
