We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
Sorted by date Results 301 - 325 of 518
My boss told me to have a good day ... so I went home. The best way to criticize my boss is very, very quietly so he can't even hear you. I was told I needed to be more productive in the office, so I'm working on my resume. I'd tell my boss to go jump in the lake, but he'd probably just delegate that to me. I never used to believe in life after death, but after you left yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral, he came here into the office looking for you. I asked if I could leave work early the other day, and my boss said, "Sure, if I made up...
Area classical music lovers are being offered a treat Sunday, November 6, at 3:30 pm, when the "Pegasus Wind Symphony" will perform in a free concert, courtesy of the Freeport Community Concert Association. Long-serving concert association leader, Marjorie Phillips, got the idea to designate this, their 90th season, free to everyone who enters the doors of the 1,200-seat Freeport Masonic Temple Auditorium. (The house was dark for the past two years because of Covid.) Marjorie is especially...
Come to The Manor Restaurant (aka-the Pearl City Cafeteria) for a pasta dinner and stay to help us solve a murder in this Murder Mystery Dinner! Artemus Ward (Rhett Forth), head of the lucrative family publishing business, meets his demise while dining at The Manor, but who is the killer? It’s hard to say who did it considering everyone has a motive. Reginald (Oliver Petta)? Major (Dylan Olvera)? Alexis (Sidney Wright)? Bernie (Cody Pitts)? Eileen (Kady Miller)? Jeannie (Allison Weese)? Bullfinger (Miranda Posey)? The chefs? The waitstaff? T...
Timber Lake Playhouse, the premier professional summer theatre of northwest Illinois, announced the 2021 inductees into the Timber Lake Playhouse Hall of Fame at the annual VIP Night prior to the opening of The Buddy Holly Story. The TLP Hall of Fame was established in 2008 and the first recipients were the TLP Founders. Since then, TLP has recognized former company members, staff, board members and outstanding supporters of TLP. The 2021 recipients were Robin Wilhelms Saar and The First State Bank of Shannon, Polo and Lake Carroll. Robin has...
Marriage can be fun some of the time. The trouble is, you're married all of the time. A box of chocolates is calling me ... which is more than my last boyfriend ever did. I still consider myself a passionate, sexy man ... now if I could just find someone else who shared that opinion. I'll never forget the first words I learned from my dad ... or the taste of the bar of soap my mom used shortly afterwards. I never judge a man by his appearance. It's what's inside his wallet that counts. No, honey, I'm not hard of hearing ... I've just heard...
Come to the Apple River Fort State Historic Site on Saturday, October 23rd for a spooky new event-Fright at the Fort. The fun begins with a guided walking tour of the Elizabeth City Cemetery. Founded in August 1832, just as the Black Hawk War drew to a close, the cemetery's first grave belongs to a gentleman who died at the Apple River Fort. Hear his story, as well as the stories of several Fort defenders and other notable Elizabeth citizens. This walking tour will begin at 2 p.m. at the...
Live theatre returns to the Highland stage with "The War of the Worlds: The 1938 Radio Script" play for the fall production of the New York's Mercury Theatre broadcast. The broadcast sent the nation into panic mode when listeners thought the radio broadcast fiction was a fact. The play is based on the 1897 novel by H. G. Wells. Adapted by Howard E. Koch, co-writer of the movie "Casablanca," and directed and narrated by Orson Welles, the original script details the frightening tale of an...
I'm waiting for the day that Walmart decides to put a bar in their stores. That will take people watching to the next level. It's only a matter of time until the show "Security cameras at Walmart" becomes a hit reality show. I was just wondering, does anyone else get road rage just from pushing a cart through Walmart? I think it would be great if Walmart added an upper level observation deck. ISIS will never bomb a Walmart because it's not a Target. Why in God's name does Walmart put 30 checkout lanes in a store if they are never going to open...
The Lena Historical Society will have their annual dinner and program on Wednesday, October 6, at 6:00 pm in the Lena Community Center located at 497 Lions Drive. Mr. John Day will present the program, “The Mysteries of Kellogg Grove”. This is the site of two battles of the Blackhawk War. Mr. Day is a member of the Northwest Illinois Green Team and is a retired Chicago police detective. He lives in rural Stockton where he has restored a large portion of his property to native grassland and re-forested another portion. Tickets for the event are...
Is there anything more capitalist than a peanut with a top hat, cane and monocle, selling you other peanuts to eat? I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems. In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment. Teenagers should be required to read a book for every ten selfies they take. I have a joke about your girlfriend's podcast, but it's long and boring, and nobody wants to hear it except your...
Highland Community College Theatre Arts program presents "The War of the Worlds: The 1938 Radio Script" with live, in-person performances at 7:30 p.m. Thursday, Oct. 7, Friday, Oct. 8. and Saturday, Oct. 9 in the Ferguson Fine Arts Center, 2998 W. Pearl City, Rd., Freeport, Ill. Broadcast from New York's Mercury Theatre in 1938, the infamous radio play, based on the novel by H. G. Wells, had many terrified listeners convinced of an actual alien invasion of earth was taking place. Adapted by Howa...
Winneshiek Playhouse, the area’s longest running, all volunteer amateur theater, will be presenting: These Shining Lives on September 24th, September 25th, and October 1st at 7:30 p.m. and October 2nd at 2:30 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. These Shining Lives, a play by Melanie Marnich, revolves around the real-life circumstances of women in the 1920s who worked in Ottawa, IL, at a factory painting watch faces with glowing radium-rich paint. While the characters and company in These Shining Lives are fictitious, the story of the Radium Girls and the t...
Pretzel City Brewfest will be held September 25 featuring over 150 craft beers from local and national breweries for tasting in a modern outdoor setting in Downtown Freeport. Tickets can be purchased online through noon Friday, September 24 at greaterfreeport.com/brewfest and also at the gate during the event. Pretzel City Brewfest is a great event for residents and visitors who are 21 and older to socialize, be entertained with games and contests and enjoy food from local vendors. The event is...
If Babies Could talk ... "My plan is start crying at 3 am for no reason." "Why does your voice change every time you talk to me?" "I came out of your what?!?" "How do I put this ... you will never 'sleep in' again." "Please don't talk to me right now. I was up all night keeping my parents awake, and I am absolutely exhausted." "Does it look like I was born yesterday?" "I sure hope the boob gets home soon. I'm hungry." "That's It! Daddy gets three years in jail for stealing my nose!" "So today in church, some guy in a suit tried to drown me!...
The Badger State Archaeological Society will hold its 42nd Annual Indian Artifact Show on Sunday, October 24th. The event will be held at the Rehmstedt gymnasium in Monticello School, 334 South Main Street, Monticello, WI from 8:00 am until 3:00 pm. Cost of admission is $2 for everyone 14 years and older. The show was started by Ralph Hammerly, Paul Severson and James Beer with only five tables in Monroe. Since then, the show has grown to over 80 tables of artifacts on display or for sale,...
To all of our High School and Junior High Teachers, Thank you for teaching the age groups the rest of the world can’t handle. Your tolerance level for obnoxious insecurity is impressive. Elementary Teacher: “Wow, those spelling tests took me 20 minutes to grade. Glad I only give them once a week.” High School Teacher: “Wow, those essays took me ten hours to grade. Glad I only assign them once a week.” Elementary Teacher: “Look at what my first graders drew for me today!” High School Teacher: “I got a picture from a student today too. Done...
Plans are underway for the Stockton FFA Alumni & Supporters to host its Plowing Demonstration and Classic Tractor Display. The event will be held on Saturday, September 18, 2021 at Bill Borsdorf’s field on US Route 78 just north of US Route 20 east of Stockton. The event will be from 10:00 AM to 3:00 PM and registration will be open until the day of the event. You must provide your own tractor and plow (or disk) for the event. Horse drawn equipment is also welcome. You must have a valid driver’s license to participate in the plow. Par...
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house ... he got the outside. "I want a divorce!" she wailed. "But you made a vow in church that we would remain together until death do us part," he snapped. "Yeah, you know you're right," she answered. "Hurry up and drink that tea I just made for you." For sale: Wedding dress – worn only once ... by mistake. Call Leslie. Joe and Ethel went to court to stand before the judge for their divorce, but he noticed that they had three children – so he asked, "How will you divide the...
Why is it that when you blow in your dog's face, he gets mad. But when you take him for a ride in the car, the first thing he does when you begin to drive is stick his head out the window. Dogs need a license, but cats don't ... because cats don't drive, or hunt, or protect anything other than their personal space. I've decided to handle every stressful situation like a dog. If I can't eat it or play with it, then I'll just pee on it and walk away. I bought a fish tank the other day ... now my cat has his own tv. Really? You bought a dog?...
"Ok students, we are going to start the school year with an essay – What I did on my Summer vacation'." But little Suzie raised her hand and asked, "You mean you haven't you been following me on Twitter all Summer?" The M& M went to school because it really wanted to be a Smartie. "But I don't want to go back to school!" she wailed. Nobody likes me! They tease me and pull my hair, and beat me up, I hate It!" "Nobody said teaching would be easy dear," her husband replied. I'd tell my teacher about my broken pencil, but it's pointless. After his...
You know when a joke becomes a Dad joke? ... When it becomes apparent. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it. To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket ... you can hide, but you can't run. Yesterday I ate a clock ... it was very time consuming. Especially when I went back for seconds. I was wondering why this frisbee kept looking bigger and bigger ... then it hit me. What do you call an alligator in a vest? ... An investigator. I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over...
The Eagle Nature Foundation (ENF) has just announced that on Sept 11 it will be sponsoring two Flying Bird of Prey Shows as part of its 60th Anniversary Celebration in the Crossroads Church in Galena. One show will begin at 10:00 am and the other at 1:00 pm. These two shows are family oriented. The shows will be conducted by John and Dale Stokes from Trenton, GA. During the summer, the Stokes present these shows at Rock City Gardens on top of Lookout Mountain in Tennessee. Now you can enjoy the...
Timber Lake Playhouse (TLP), the premier professional summer theatre of northwest Illinois, continues its 60th Anniversary Season with a sassy, sultry, musical celebration of legendary jazz great, Fats Waller! Ain't Misbehavin' features music by Thomas "Fats" Waller and was conceived by Richard Maltby Jr. & Murray Horwitz. The production is directed and choreographed by Donterrio Johnson. The inimitable Thomas "Fats" Waller rose to international fame during the Golden Age of the Cotton Club and...
Ahh, the Olympics. When it's time to forget about politics, cheating, celebrity worship, drug abuse and other societal dysfunctions in order to focus on the nobler aspects of humanity. The reason the Americans always win gold at the shooting events in the Olympics is because they practice at the best schools. The Olympics in Tokyo were so complete, they had athletes representing over 200 Biden tax havens. Suntanning is not an Olympic sport because the best you can ever get is bronze. The Olympic events I think I could compete in include:...
Freeport Cruise Night returns to Downtown Freeport on Saturday, August 14 from 4-9 pm attracting car enthusiasts, families and guests from around the region for a fantastic event. The event begins with the car show, commercial vendors and food vendors at 4 pm. Cars are displayed in the municipal lot along Douglas Street, east lot at the corner of Adams and Stephenson Street and additional parking on Stephenson Street. The Beaux band will perform on the Freeport Arts Plaza (15 W. Douglas St.)...
