We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
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Exercising would be much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burned them. Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound. I didn’t fall, the floor just needed a hug. A police officer came to my house and asked me where I was between five and six. He seemed irritated when I answered ‘kindergarten’. They say money talks, but mine just waves good bye. When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it? Children: You spend the first three years of their life teaching them to walk and talk, then spend the next 16 year...
As Timber Lake Playhouse bids farewell to its summer season, the excitement doesn’t end there. The playhouse is set to offer a schedule of events this autumn and winter, catering to long-time patrons, young families, and new audiences alike. Following the success of their annual Gala on August 24th and the closing performance of Jekyll & Hyde on August 25th, Timber Lake Playhouse is delighted to bring back the beloved “church basement ladies” with Church Basement Ladies - A Second Helping. This sequel to the 2023 September hit will featu...
Timber Lake Playhouses’ 2024 summer season comes to a close with Jekyll & Hyde. The epic struggle between good and evil comes to life on the Timber Lake Playhouse stage in the musical phenomenon based on the classic story by Robert Louis Stevenson. Featuring a thrilling score of pop rock hits from multi-Grammy- and Tony-nominated Frank Wildhorn and double-Oscar- and Grammy-winning Leslie Bricusse, Jekyll & Hyde has mesmerized audiences the world over. A devoted man of science, Dr. Henry Jekyll (played by Phillip Bryan*) is driven to find a c...
Back to school … time to officially begin remembering what day of the week it is. Thank heavens it’s time to go back to school. I don’t think I could take another beautiful summer day of my parents ranting about politics. Sweetie, you have to come out. It’s the first day of school. “No! I refuse to go! They can get someone else to teach my classes.” I’m sorry Kayla, but we don’t all follow you on Twitter. So, please just tell the class what you did last summer. You might call it a school bus, but in early August we all call it an Easy Bake Ov...
Does running late count as exercise? It’s really hard to get to work at 8:00 when I leave my house at 8:01. I got up early this morning so I could be late for work without rushing. I hate being late … but I’m so good at it. I’m not sure if my teacher was running late and accidentally put on two different shoes this morning, or if she’s more hipster than I am. Sorry I’m late, but my favorite song was playing on the radio and I had to sit in the car until it was over. I’m sorry I’m late … I didn’t want to come. Ever have one of those days when...
Timber Lake Playhouse brings the classic board game and motion picture to life with Clue: On Stage, at the Playhouse, August 1 through 11. Based on the iconic 1985 Paramount movie which was inspired by the classic Hasbro board game, Clue: On Stage is a hilarious farce-meets-murder mystery. The tale begins at a remote mansion, where six mysterious guests assemble for an unusual dinner party where murder and blackmail are on the menu. When their host turns up dead, they all become suspects. Led by Wadsworth, the butler, Miss Scarlet, Professor...
The most amazing thing about the sport of curling, is that each country is able to find two men who can work a broom. Suntanning is not an Olympic sport, because the best you can get is bronze. Never forget that Australia’s first ever winter Olympic gold medal was won in speed skating by a guy who was dead last, and everyone in front of him fell down – true story! The 400 meter dash for people who never listen, forces them to run with scissors. I look forward to watching the Olympics and fooling myself into believing I could do better. The 2024...
Music on Chicago is concluding the summer music season with a spectacular repeat performance by Boogie & the Yo-Yoz on August 2 in Downtown Freeport. After their incredible show last year, the demand for more was undeniable, and we are thrilled to bring them back! Don't miss this fantastic music and community event hosted by the Greater Freeport Partnership. Since moving to the Freeport Art Museum Arts Plaza at 15 S. Douglas Street in 2021, the event has thrived in this beautiful venue for a...
With Dan on vacation, we are turning back the clock four years - when Covid was limiting everything we did. At this point, I would feel safer if the Coronavirus held a press conference to tell us how it’s going to save us from the government. Sitting here in quarantine I stop and think about all of the goods time when I wasn’t in quarantine but still never left my house. I could tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’d have to wait two weeks to see if you got it. My refrigerator just groaned, rolled its’ eyes and hissed at me … “Not you again...
LENA LIONS DIAMOND JUBILEE CELEBRATION continues with the 73rd Annual Fall Festival, known as "The Cadillac of Small Town Festivals". The festival will be held in downtown Lena on September 6th & 7th. This year is the 75th Anniversary of the Lena Lions Club! Free entertainment on Friday – 7:00 pm – SOPHIE COYOTE – a singer/songwriter from Waddams Grove! She was raised on a broad range of musical influences including classic, rock & roll, honky-tonk, country, and a bit of the blues. Sophie Coyote...
People have liked our Fat Guys With Forks reviews, but in all fairness – they are flawed. I mean, everyone who knows me, knows that I despise vegetables – all kinds of vegetables – so the only dishes I will even eat are your basic meat and potatoes. As my wife puts it, “I have the pallet of a ten year old.” I readily admit that, so my personal taste is skewed – if it’s fried with hot sauce on it, I like it. But something healthy made with avocadoes, onions or peppers … Make me gag! In additio...
Sometimes I like to be alone with my thoughts doing absolutely nothing. It’s not that I’m antisocial, I’m just pro-me. Do not take life too seriously … you will never get out of it alive. My goal this weekend is to move just enough so my wife knows I’m not dead. If I had ten chocolate chip cookies, and you took half of them, do you know what you’d have? That’s right, a black eye and broken fingers. Life is hard … but it’s a lot harder if you’re stupid. If Cinderella’s glass slipper fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? I get paid to be nice...
Bluegrass Express will be presenting a Bluegrass Gospel Concert at 7:00pm on Saturday July 20th at the Gratiot Park just north of Highway 11. The event is free, sponsored by the Evangelical Free Church of Gratiot, and everyone is invited to attend. In February of 2024, the band's single "Don't Say Goodbye if You Love Me" reached #13 on the Hooked on Bluegrass Top 50. Bluegrass Express was formed in 1980 by the father-son team of Gary and Greg Underwood and has performed extensively ever since,...
A day without beer probably wouldn’t kill me … but why take the risk? Beer is now cheaper than gas. The lesson – Drink, Don’t Drive. Beergasm – That moment when you take the first sip. Alcohol is never the answer. But it’s a good way of forgetting the question. I totally believe in second chances. So, if this beer doesn’t give me a buzz, I will have another. Beer – It’s the most important meal of the day. I swear, I didn’t text my ex-girlfriend … the beer did. Never look at your beer as half empty. Look at it as you’re half way to your next bee...
Timber Lake Playhouse (TLP), the premier professional summer theatre of northwest Illinois, becomes a Merry Old Land for this summer's The Wizard of Oz for three weeks of performances from July 11 through July 28. The most beloved tale of all time comes to life on stage! Based on the 1939 film of the same name, the musical is based on L. Frank Baum's novel "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz." The story of a Kansas farm girl who travels over the rainbow has entertained audiences for generations with...
The Stephenson County Fair is thrilled to announce the "Shine Bright Like a Star Inclusive Goat Show," an event dedicated to fostering inclusion and participation in agricultural activities for youth and young adults with disabilities. Scheduled for Friday, July 26th at 4 PM in the Dairy Goat Ring, this unique event will pair participants aged 8-21 with peer mentors and provide goats for the show. This initiative highlights the fair's commitment to accessibility and community engagement. If you...
The nurse told me to try and get some sleep … then came in every few minutes to take my blood pressure and temperature. I think hospitals would be a lot more popular if they rebranded themselves as really, really intense spas. Laughter may be the best medicine, but my health insurance only covers chuckles, snickers and giggles. My son called today saying he was in the hospital. I wish he’d stop doing that, he’s been a doctor for 12 years now. Oh sure, my friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he’s treated like a hero. I donate five k...
Music on Chicago's second appearance of the season is scheduled for Friday, July 5 with Mimi on the Mic and Harlan Jefferson in Downtown Freeport. Don't miss this fantastic music and community event. July's Music on Chicago is co-hosted with Freeport's Flight Radio to bring new talent to the community. Harlan Jefferson will take the stage at 7 pm presenting his own unique style of soul, jazz, funk and hip hop on his saxophone with the help of vocalist Kandrice Jackson. Freeport-native Tamika...
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer bystanders. What do you use to find the location of a golf ball? (A lie detector) How was my golf game? Well, I was one under today … One under a tree; One under a bush; and one under water. Wow you had some round today. Not only did you get a birdie, you got a rabbit and two squirrels. No, I’m sorry, it’s not 1972. Exactly how long were you in the woods looking for your golf ball? Why did you hit your ball into the woods Bob? Do you k...
The Lena Lions Club will be hosting the 2nd annual Bike and Pet Parade on July 20th. The goal of this family-friendly, free event is to increase diabetes awareness and encourage a healthy, active community. The parade starts at 10 a.m. at the entrance of Citizen's State Bank's parking lot on West Mason Street. It continues down past the library and turns onto North Vernon Street at the triangle and then right onto West Main Street to the downtown parking lot. Prizes will be awarded for best bike...
The Shenandoah Riding Center in The Galena Territory hosts the Freedom Reins PRCA Rodeo at 7 p.m., July 5 and 6. Enjoy a Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association (PRCA)-sanctioned rodeo featuring two nights of amazing entertainment by Universal Pro Rodeos. Get a first-hand look at eight fiercely competitive and exhilarating competitions. This year the Stateline Hotshots Rodeo Drill Team will also perform. Each night features spectacular fireworks and a barn dance directly following the rodeo...
I’m one of those people who will ask what’s for dinner while eating lunch. Don’t judge me, I love food. If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it. I can usually come up with two good ideas for dinner. But seven nights a week? Come On! Beer! It’s what’s for dinner. My cooking is so fabulous, even the smoke alarm cheers me on. I always cook with wine … sometimes, I even add it to the food. I’m a second hand vegetarian. Cow eats grass, I eat cow. What do you mean I can...
This year marks the 192nd anniversary of the Battle of the Apple River Fort. In the spring of 1832, Black Hawk led over a thousand of Sauk and Fox warriors and civilians back into Illinois to try and reclaim their lands. His return caused a panic, and settlers across northwestern Illinois and southern Wisconsin began to build small forts to defend themselves-one such fort was built at the Apple River Settlement, now Elizabeth, IL. On June 24, 1832, the Apple River Fort was attacked by two...
The City of Shullsburg, Wisconsin, has announced its 2024 entertainment line-up for their 21st Annual Music in the Park Concert Series, offering music from a variety of area artists throughout the summer as part of their seasonal entertainment. The free, family-friendly concerts are held from 6:30 – 8:30 p.m. at Shullsburg’s Badger Park – 279 Estey Street in Shullsburg. Food and beverage will be available for purchase at each event, with different vendors and offerings at every show. Concert goers are encouraged to bring their lawn chair...
When life throws you a rainy day, play in the puddles. Dangerous precipitation in Illinois is called a “rain of terror”. With all of this rain, my lawn will drown before I even have a chance not to mow it. I’m singing in the rain, so there’s another reason for everyone to stay inside. Oh good, more rain. I was afraid my inflatable ark wasn’t going to get used this year. If this rain keeps up, I’ll have to rely on my sunny disposition … Oh, wait … I guess the phrase, “There’s a 50% chance of precipitation” does sound more scientific than, “mig...
