We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
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Yes, I work as a bank teller. No, I don’t “make it rain.” A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it. There is a special place in Hell for people who press the call button more than once in the bank drive up. The bank turned down my loan, but approved the payments. Poor Steve, he realized that all of those jokes about bankers hours he had been telling were no longer funny after he worked his first ten hour day. I know we got special funding to do Disaster Loans Mrs. Randecker, but that’s intended...
I’m going somewhere really expensive this summer vacation … the gas station. I need a summer vacation, but the only tropical thing I can afford is an air freshener. My summer vacation consists of periodically noticing the exotic beach location I use as a desktop pattern. I need a vacation. And by “vacation” I mean I need to move away and find a new job … on a beach … with rum. The closest I get to a vacation is the far-away look in my eyes. What sucks is that all of the vacation benefits get sucked out of you by the post-vacation workload yo...
The Evangelical Free Church of Lena is hosting musical groups sharing Christian music and testimonials. From now through September 3rd, the public is invited to come and listen from their car, or bring your own chairs to enjoy the event. A food court will be open, and benches and tables will be provided. These weekly musical performances will be held on Saturdays in Lions Park in Lena beginning at 6:30 pm each week, and are free and open to the public....
Baseball is a lot like pancakes … they both rely on a good batter. Whoever named the game “softball” has obviously never been hit in the head by one. The term catcher is not correct in High School baseball – it should be “wild pitch tamer”. As he threw the pitch, I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger … then it hit me. Cinderella was bad at softball because she had a pumpkin for a coach, and ran from the ball. I was going to tell you the joke about the pop fly, but it’s way over your head. There are two theories...
The public is invited to join trained volunteer guides for an interactive tour of the magical Casper Bluff Preserve, a place where nature’s treasurers meet with history’s secrets. Morning tours will be held on Saturday, June 4th and 18th beginning at 9AM with an evening tour scheduled for Tuesday, June 21st at 7PM. The cost is $10/person. RSVPs are required at www.jdcf.org/events. One of the first stops on the tour is the Mississippi River overlook. Casper Bluff commands some of the best views of the mighty River and its backwater sloughs and...
The Greater Freeport Partnership will host the fourth annual Pretzel City Winefest Saturday, May 21 from noon to 4 pm. Tickets can be purchased online for $25 at greaterfreeport.com/events or Pretzel City Winefest Facebook page. After purchasing your tickets online, check-in at Hilldale Deli (30 W. Stephenson St.) to receive your Winefest glass, lanyard, bag, and information packet with special offers from downtown boutiques and shopping destinations. Various shops will be serving wine samples...
High School is like a free trial education. Then, once you’ve graduated, they say, “Now, if you want to continue, pay $50,000.” At my sister’s high school graduation, one kid threw his cap in the air too early. My dad turned to me and said, “Oops, Premature Ecapulation …” I’m pretty sure he’s still laughing at himself to this day. High School Graduation – Where finishing one of the easiest and most basic parts of life is suddenly a huge deal. Congratulations on your graduation … now get your butt to work. My parents sent me through law school...
Family road trips … when people test the limits of their love for each other. My family’s favorite road trip game is called ‘heated argument’. Being on vacation with my kids is just me yelling at them in a different city. Road trips are measured by moments, not miles. No sir, you can not ship your kids overnight mail. You’ll have to let them ride in the car with you just like everybody else. Wow, this virtual 3D travel is so realistic. It actually feels like our luggage is being lost right in front of me. Well, the bad news is your luggage is l...
Mark your calendars for Corkless in Galena - a wine festival event in Galena, held Saturday, June 25, 2022, from noon until 6:00 in Depot Park. The festival offers wines from Illinois' vineyards, food from artisan food trucks, artists showcasing art, and Americana music. Musicians include Jordan Danielsen, Jef Spradley, and, at 3:00 pm, headliner Miles Nielsen and the Rusted Hearts. Attendees will have the opportunity to meet eight vintners and six artists to discuss their craft. Both wine and...
Timber Lake Playhouse (TLP), the premier professional summer theatre of northwest Illinois, opens its 61st Season on June 2 with the Regional Premiere of the Jimmy Buffett musical, Escape to Margaritaville. TLP Staff are busily making preparations for the opening. The summer series will begin Escape to Margaritaville, a musical-comedy featuring both original songs and your most-loved Jimmy Buffett classics, including “Fins,” “Volcano,” “Cheeseburger in Paradise”, and many more. This hilarious, heartwarming musical is a great way to kick-off th...
Timber Lake Playhouse, the premier professional summer theatre of northwest Illinois, invites area high school students to audition for their Summer Mainstage Season. Auditions will be held from noon until 4:00 on Saturday, May 7 at the playhouse. As Timber Lake Playhouse gears up for their 2022 Summer Series, they will hold an Open Call Audition to all area high school students to audition for their summer musicals. The musicals are the Regional Premiere of Jimmy Buffet’s Escape to Margaritaville (June 1 – 11), Annie (June 30 – July 10),...
Freeport High School Director of Theatre, Tim Connors, proudly announces the upcoming performances of The One-Act Play That Goes Wrong May 12, 13, and 14 in the Jeannette Lloyd Theatre, starting at 7 p.m. This show is sponsored by The Helm Group, Freeport Industrial Roofing, and Jewell Insurance and Financial Services. This hilarious comedy is a play within a play, which makes the farce twice the fun. In The Murder at Hamersham Manor, the action starts with an untimely death at a country manor,...
Intaxication – Is the Euphoria you get when you find out you’re getting a tax refund. It usually only lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. I truly hope your tax refund is greater than the cost of hiring an accountant. I’m seeking a tax return high enough to just barely keep me out of prison. I’m really glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It’s come in really handy this parallelogram season. H&R Block called and said your tax refund is ready. So, tell me again about how you’re going to open a savi...
Enjoy a night of springtime melodies and music of the classics with the Highland Orchestra and Highland Concert Band at the Spring Instrumental Music Concert on Friday, May 6 at 7 p.m. in the Fine Arts Theatre at the Ferguson Fine Arts Center, 2998 W. Pearl City Rd., Freeport. The Highland Orchestra will play pieces including, “Selections from The Lord of The Rings,” by Howard Shore and “The Montagues and The Capulets,” by Serge Prokofieff. The Highland Concert Band’s selections include “The Colossus of Columbia,” by Russell Alexander, “H...
The Stephenson County Fair Association is excited to bring the fair to Freeport on July 26-30, 2022. We have an incredible line up of 10 bands that will be playing in our entertainment tent! Wednesday, July 26th 4:30pm, Pretzel City Strummers LIVE 7:00pm, Two Cool Duo Thursday, July 28th 7:00pm, Just for Kicks Friday, July 29th 1:00pm, The Ville 3:00pm, Sophie Coyote 5:00pm, Rock Steady 8:00pm, Back Country Roads Saturday, July 30th 3:00pm, Emma Butterworth 6:00pm, The Southpaw Stance 8:00pm, Jukebox Baby For more information, go to the County...
The Lena Historical Society will be open to the public on Sunday, May 1. A program will be presented at 2:00 on their exhibit “Impacting History: Lena Women who made Their Marks”. This exhibit explores the lives of some early Lena women who made a difference with their strength and tenacity. Even though they may have not achieved national fame, they made an impact on the lives of others and paved the way for the next generation of women to follow their dreams. Admission is free, donations are appreciated....
The Classic Cinemas Lindo Theatre celebrated 100 years in Freeport with a kickoff event and it’s Century Series on Wednesday, April 20 at 1 pm. Willis & Shirley Johnson gave a brief introduction, history of the theatre, and its significance, as well as the film and invited attendees for light refreshments. The first movie in the Century Series, Miss Lulu Bett, will played at 1 pm and 7 pm on April 20 for $2.50 - the original cost of a ticket. This 1921 silent comedy, drama was the very first movie to ever screen at the Lindo on April 17, 1...
Coffee – the most important meal of the day. Sometimes I wake up and think, “Maybe I won’t have coffee today.” Then I laugh and laugh because it’s good to tell yourself funny jokes in the morning. It’s not procrastinating if you’re drinking coffee, it’s “procaffinating”. Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all. At over $2, a cup of Jo should at least go by “Joseph”. Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee … it’s called sleeping. Now serving coffee – otherwise known as liquid sanity and motivation, topped with hope. Every morni...
The Jo Daviess Conservation Foundation (JDCF) is hosting a screening of the film "2040" on Friday, May 13, at 7 pm, at the Galena Territory Owners' Club, 2000 Territory Drive, Galena. The event is open to the public, and the movie is suitable for adults and children 10 and older. Doors open for complimentary popcorn and Potosi root beer at 6 pm. "2040" is a special climate change film because it portrays a hopeful future in which humans have reversed the impacts of climate change. Award-winning...
Timber Lake Playhouse (TLP), the premier professional summer theatre of northwest Illinois, opens its 61th Concert Season on May 7 at 7:00 with the Rock River Jazz Band. Rock River Jazz Band is a 16-piece Big Band composed of professional musicians from northern Illinois. Rock River Jazz Band plays Big Band, Swing, 50-60's Rock, Pop, Waltzes, Polkas, Mambos, and a little bit of Country. On Saturday, May 14 at 7:00, Felix and Fingers will return to the playhouse. This dueling pianos show is an All-Request Show performing songs from Sinatra to...
FACT: Teachers are more excited about Spring Break than students are. May your behavior be the only natural disaster this Spring Break. Dear Mr. Principal, Sending my kids home for a week in the Spring and calling it a “break” is a touch misleading. At my age, Spring Break means taking my full 30 minutes for lunch. I feel as if I lost every ounce of pride and dignity on Spring Break. What’s worse is that I don’t regret it. College Spring Break: One week, 300 beers … you do the math. Spring Break used to be like “Girls Gone Wild”, but then Coron...
This will be the 55th Willow Folk Festival and it will be the last one as we know it. This is sad news but news that I think you were all expecting some day. The Church took a vote this past Sunday on keeping it going or calling it quits and the "quits" won. The average age of the church members is in the 60's (there are a couple young ones that bring the average down) and it is just too much work! We do want to have one more year as it has been in the past, so please come, enjoy, and make new memories. There was discussion about turning it...
Big Shock – nobody had North Carolina taking on Kansas in the final. Still, we got our winners based on the picks they made, and the prizes will be mailed out by the end of this month. Congratulations go out to: 1. Steve Grindey, Scales Mound 2. Bob Vanderheyden, Stockton 3. Ken Buske, Stockton 4. Ian Blair, Lena 5. Jennifer Whitson, Freeport 6. Sarah Leverton, Lena 7. Adam Leverton, Lena 8. Erica Blair, Lena 9. Steve Clay, Orangeville 10. Marshall Schubert, Darlington...
Spring is here! I’m so excited I wet my plants. It’s finally sweater on, then off, then on again season. The first day of Spring has arrived … aaaannnd it’s snowing. Groundhog Day? Seriously? We’re letting a rodent decide if it’s Spring or not? There’s a technical term for a sunny, warm day that follows two rainy ones … it’s called Monday. Our seasons follow a pattern: Winter, Fool’s Spring, Second Winter, Spring of Deception, Third Winter, then Actual Spring and then Summer. Right now, I think we’re in the Spring of Deception season. I t...
I accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach, so now I am the proud owner of aisle six. The key to a good marriage is finding someone you can have fun with at the grocery store. Today’s special offer is 50% off items you don’t really need. I hate that feeling when someone is standing in front of the item I need, so I pretend to look for something else until they move. Today’s store tip: Accidentally buy the potato chips your wife doesn’t like so you won’t have to share. Am I the only one who gets road rage walking behind slow peop...
