We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
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The Freeport Public Library announces the One Book One Freeport 2023 title Life Among the Qallunaat by Mini Aodla Freeman, a story of the author’s experiences growing up in the Inuit communities. The free book giveaway starts Monday, January 9th at the library. Community members of all ages are invited to participate in this fun, completely free event. One Book One Freeport is a community read program hosted by the library. Following the giveaway, there are programs open to the community including film screenings, group discussions, S...
There is a time each year when the weather goes from magical to miserable … they call it January. It’s so damn cold outside, I just farted snowflakes. If complaining about the cold weather was an Olympic Sport, my wife would be the gold medalist. Well, … on the bright side … there are no mosquitoes. I know I’m snowed in, but it’s nothing a little salt can’t handle … especially around the rim of my margarita glass. OK Winter, you made your point … I’m a wussy. They’re forecasting a wintry mix for our area of the Midwest. My idea of a wintry m...
On Monday, January 16, at 7 pm, Country Crossroads Quilt Guild will be kicking off the new year with a fun evening of games, with prizes of course, designed to get to know your fellow quilters hidden talents and secrets. We welcome all guests to join in this fun evening. Guild meetings are held at the Forreston Grove Church, 7246 Freeport Road; Forreston, IL the third Monday of each month at 7 pm, with ample time to meet and greet members before the meeting. Visitors are very much welcome; for...
Mommy, is it true that if I stop believing in Santa I’ll only get underwear like daddy? Let me get this straight, you want me to sit in the weird guy’s lap because he promises to give me a toy, and parents are okay with this? Santa doesn’t keep a naughty or nice list anymore. He’s only concerned with who friends him on Facebook. Why is it that Santa can give toys for free to all the kids in the whole wide world, but he charges $15.95 at the mall to have your picture taken with him? Santa is staying home this Christmas Eve because every kid wil...
What did one Christmas tree say to the other? Lighten up. How did Scrooge win the football game? The Ghost of Christmas passed. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed to be trimmed. What is the best possible holiday present? A broken drum … you just can’t beat it. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? Because they drop their needles. What did one snowman say to the other? Is it me, or do you smell carrots? What kind of bike does Santa Claus ride? A Holly Davidson. What says Oh, Oh, Oh? Santa walking backwards. Dad got mom...
Highland Community College is excited to announce the Tony Award-winning Roald Dahl’s “Matilda The Musical” for Summerset 48 in summer 2023. Production dates for “Matilda the Musical” are June 22, 23, 24, 29, and 30, and July 1 at 7:30 p.m. There is a matinee at 3 p.m. on July 2. “Matilda the Musical” is a captivating and inspiring story of a little girl with big dreams of a better life. With the book by Dennis Kelly and original songs by Tim Minchin, the production has won 47 international awards and continues to excite audiences of...
Anybody still wondering what I want for Christmas, I need a size five night Vegas Vacation. My family’s favorite road trip game is called “heated argument.” The airline told me my luggage was lost, but on the bright side, their full body scan said I’m in excellent health. Vegas is a great excuse to be immature and as messy as your children. I knew our flight was in trouble when the stewardess came out into the aisle and asked if anyone on board knew how to play Microsoft Flight Simulator. If you meet Elsa, don’t give her a balloon – she’ll...
All I want for Christmas is a free refill … of my wallet when I am done shopping. I got my Christmas shopping done early this year. When you don’t buy anybody anything, it goes pretty fast. Believe it or not, some people are already done with their holiday shopping … I hate those people. With all of the pushing and shoving to grab this year’s door busters, they ought to call it “Black & Blue Friday.” It’s been a rough week holiday shopping. But on a positive note, I didn’t need any bail money and didn’t need to hide any bodies yet. I’m r...
Enjoy the festive sounds of familiar and new holiday songs with a Holiday Concert by the Highland Community College Chorale and Youth Choir at 3 p.m. on Sunday, Dec. 4 in the Fine Arts Center Theatre located in the Ferguson Fine Arts Center, 2998 W. Pearl City Rd., Freeport, Ill. The Highland Chorale, under the direction of Heidi Spotts-Manthey, will feature a selection of holiday favorites. “It will be a concert to start your holiday season off right,” Spotts-Manthey said. Under the direction of Dagny Brandt, the Highland Youth Choir will per...
Help FHS Thespians collect food donations for the Freeport Area Church Cooperative and ring in the Christmas season! FHS hosts Christmas Memories, a collection of humorous and heartwarming songs and stories. Guests should bring food donations for the Freeport Area Church Cooperative, which needs plenty of food to keep up with our community's need for non-perishable food items. Because Freeport High School is not presenting the Holiday Pageant this year, Christmas Memories is even more important...
In my review of Lena-Winslow’s play, there was some confusion in regard to why they were without a director, and while I thought I pointed it out, it was apparently not clear enough. Former Director, Mary Ellen Modica, and assistant Director Renee Schulz, had resigned back in 2020 – we even honored Mary Ellen at the Theater Awards for her many years of dedication to the program. The next year COVID shut almost everything down. But there was no advertising, or public attempt to find a rep...
The Holidays are exhausting – pretending to like you people is hard work. Every family has one weird relative … If you don’t know who it is, then it’s probably you. The 3 stages of man are 1) He believes in Santa Claus, 2) He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, and 3) He is Santa Claus. What really scares me about Halloween is knowing that all of the family holidays are coming up. Every year I make sure to bring up politics at Thanksgiving dinner … it’s the easiest way to save on Christmas gifts. May none of your true feelings slip out this Than...
Very rarely do I come out of a show thinking "Damn, that kid was amazing." I mean, I've seen some excellent performers over the many years covering are productions – and have fond memories of the best from each program covered. But I never thought Freeport would see the likes of some of the mega-stars I remember like Hartog, Eifert, Jacobs and Werntz ... But before I reveal the kid who wow'd me, let's get into some of the other stuff first. (How's that for a tease?) The set was impressive. I w...
A near tragedy took place at Lena-Winslow when their Fall play was put into serious jeopardy because there was no director to be found. After several years, Mary Ellen Modica had stepped down, and for reasons we suspect, but won't get into – only days before auditions were supposed to take place ... there was no replacement. I won't lie, I heard about it, knew some of the performers, and was although schedules were impossible to juggle, I was seriously considering stepping in myself to make s...
I won't lie, I was not looking forward to seeing River Ridge's production of the Adams Family last weekend. Freeport did the same show, and due to tight schedules I had seen their production Thursday night, so I doubted River Ridge could possibly come close to what an established program like Freeport could do. I mean, they have a full fly system, tons of lights and pay for a technical director just to build sets, how could the Wildcats compare? Well, I am dead serious when I say – my fears w...
What made the cranberries go red? (Seeing the turkey dressing) Where do you find a turkey with no legs? (Exactly where you left it) On Thanksgiving Day, all across America, families will sit down to dinner at the exact same moment … halftime. The turkey was arrested on suspicion of fowl play. My family told me to quit telling bad thanksgiving jokes, but I just can’t quit cold turkey. You can tell there are only a couple more weeks until Thanksgiving, the Christmas ads are in full force on television. The Pilgrims kept having their pants fal...
Let me say from the very beginning that there were a lot – and I do mean "a lot" of really nice performances in EPC's production of 'The Dearly Undeparted'. Keegan Strauch made a perfect money grubbing villain; Dylan Olvera was ... Dylan Olvera (which is a compliment); I loved Allison Weese as Ace Bandage; Emma Lagos was a scene stealer as Ooga; the entire Chedarwax family was great; Neveah Gross was the perfect touch of crazy; and the chemistry between Hudson Groezinger and Caylie Schubert w...
Rake leaves or move … I can’t decide. I could spend a week camping, but I’m pretty sure I can swallow several bugs just hanging around my yard. That fact that self-raking yards do not exist is what I call a scientific failure. You can bury any number of headaches in a garden. Keeping up with my yardwork requires a lot of blood, sweat and beers. Leaf blower: Loudly making yardwork some else’s problem since the 1960s. I’m not into lawn care. With me it’s more like lawn don’t care. In Britain, they call it Autumn, from the French word “Automne...
What do you mean I’m not registered to vote? I vote every single week on American Idol. If voting could really change anything, they’d make it illegal. I see there is a four year gap on your resume. Did you work for the Trump administration? “No, I was in prison. I swear!” When the pollster asked me who I voted for as I came out of the polling place, I told him I was trying to forget. Every year I go in and vote for beer … it’s really quite satisfying. What did Russia do to influence the election? They helped the democrats finally deliver on...
He told me I was so good at multi-tasking that they were going to fire me in phases. I thought it was a myth but it’s true – when you’re fired, your whole resume flashes before your eyes. Everybody else at my company was laid off due to the slowing economy … I was just fired. You know you’re getting fired when they bring you into an office you’ve never been in before, and it’s nearest to the exit. Let’s celebrate your new job promotion by doing something that can get you fired. Oh, I’m sorry. I had no idea that doing both your job and mine...
Silence is golden … unless you have a toddler. In that case, silence is very, very suspicious. Yes, I’m a mom, but I still like to party. And by party, I mean binge on Netflix and take a nap. You know you’re a mom when a 15 minute shower with the door locked feels like a day at the spa. Parenthood is like having a blender that’s always on and doesn’t have a top. Dad: “He’s finally asleep. I’ll just give him a little Goodnight smooch.” Mom: “If you wake him up, I’ll rip your face off.” I have parenting down to a science … every day is an exper...
Online dating helps me meet and break up with someone without leaving the house. She asked me for one good reason she should date me. So, I told her that she’d never have to worry about someone trying to take me away from her. She told me it’s not me, it’s her. Apparently, she said she has a bad habit of dating losers. You know you’re on a bad blind date when both of you keep looking at your watch wondering what time it is. Based on the content of your online profile, I am guessing that literacy is not one of the characteristics we share....
The Badger State Archaeological Society will hold its 43rd annual Native American Artifact Show on Sunday, October 23rd from 8:00 am until 3:00 pm, at the Rehmstedt gym at Monticello School, 334 S. Main Street, Monticello, Wisconsin. Cost of admission is $2 for those 14 years and older. The show was started by Ralph Hammerly, Paul Severson and James Beer with only five tables in Monroe. The show has now grown to over 80 tables of artifacts on display, or for sale, including points, stone, bone,...
Unfortunately Mr. Stevens, your HMO won’t cover the cost of anesthesia, so we’re going to have to use our low-budget procedure to put you out … it’s called a hammer. We’ll give you helium. It won’t kill the pain, but when you scream it’s funny. By golly, this cavity is so deep I’ll have to get at it by going through your ear … just kidding. At my age, the only thing I purchase that’s two-piece are dentures. Yes, I floss regularly – right before every dental appointment. No, your dentist did not say that bacon and soda work just as well as...
Whenever the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called down on the Price is Right. OK, when you tell me to be there 15 minutes early for my appointment, does that mean the doctor will only be 45 minutes late calling me in? I hate it when the doctor says they’ll give me something to ease the pain as he pulls out a six inch long needle of pain killer. The doctor didn’t find anything wrong with me, so shouldn’t he waive the co-pay? You have a rare condition called “Good Health”....
