We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
We don't write papers, we build scrapbooks
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Best (and worst) pick up lines Do you have a name, or can I just call you “mine”? I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours? Did we go to school together? I could swear we had chemistry. Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes. Do you want to go outside for some fresh air? Because you took my breath away. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Your hand looks lonely, can I hold it for you? I believe in following my dreams, so where are you going? Your name must be Google because you...
The Shenandoah Riding Center in The Galena Territory hosts the Freedom Reins Pro Rodeo, sponsored by Woodbine Bend Golf Course and Restaurant, at 7 p.m., June 30 and July 1. Enjoy a Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association (PRCA)-sanctioned rodeo featuring two nights of amazing entertainment by Universal Pro Rodeos. Get a first-hand look at eight fiercely competitive and exhilarating competitions. This year the Stateline Hotshots Rodeo Drill Team will also perform. Each night features spectacular...
I’m sorry, but throwing Saltines into the campfire is not my idea of fire crackers. For some people, the Fourth of July is the last day they’ll be able to count to ten on their fingers. Remember, if you drink a fifth on the Fourth, you may not be able to go forth on the fifth. The Fourth of July in Chicago was different this year. People had to try and guess if they heard fireworks, or gunshots. This is ridiculous! It’s July 7th and people are still shooting off fireworks. One almost caught my Christmas decorations on fire. Your illegal firew...
At 7:00 pm on June 20th the Eagle Nature Foundation (ENF) and the Apple River State Bank (ARSB) will be sponsoring a three person magic show in the Apple River Event Center as a fund raiser for the Eagle Nature Foundation. The three persons are the three magicians from Jo Daviess County, who will be donating their time to help ENF raise needed funds to study the Bald Eagle, are Jim McCrea, P.T. Murphy and David Sigafus. This show was postponed from its original date this winter because of bad...
I try not to laugh at my own dad jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious. Dad jokes are how eyeroll. My dad told me that evil chickens lay deviled eggs. My wife is really mad at the fact I have no sense of direction. So, I packed up my stuff and right. When does a joke become a dad joke … when it becomes apparent. What did the nose say to the finger … stop picking on me. I wouldn’t buy anything with Velcro. It’s a total rip-off. When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no at...
You should never swim on a full stomach, it’s so much easier swimming in water. Public swimming pools – where you want to jump into the cool relaxing water, only to realize you are literally marinating in pee and bandaids. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? If I only have one day to live, take me to a swimming meet – those things take forever. Remember, hippos can run and swim faster than humans. So, that means cycling is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon. Oh No, I’m sure every little excited...
Family Vacation – Where you remember why your family never spends time together. I think I freaked out the TSA Guard at the airport when I asked him if I chose the “enhanced pat-down” instead of the full-body scan, did that come with some Barry White music and a nice glass of merlot. A good family vacation is when nobody returns in a body bag, and it only takes two weeks for the kids to start liking each other again. Ah, the beach! Sunning, swimming, snacking … and the chance to drive home in wet shorts full of sand. The very best vacatio...
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger … then it hit me. He hit the baseball so hard it needed 108 stitches! The authorities have been showing up at Wrigley Field lately because they heard base stealing was up. I’m going to the baseball game. If I don’t come back by midnight, it means I caught a baseball worth more than a million dollars and left the country. Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Never mind, it’s way over your head. If someone says, “You pitch great for a southpaw,” is that a left handed compli...
High School Graduation – where finishing one of the easiest and most basic parts of life is suddenly a huge deal. For my graduation speech, I would like to thank the Internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Office and Copy/Paste. Some people graduate with honors, others are just honored to graduate. Now that I’m graduating … I just hope this B.S. pays off. I graduated. So, now I’m like smart and stuff. The first call I got after I graduated was my University asking for a donation. You may have graduated, but you’re not finished with Show and...
By Anita Mau (Dan Stevens was up north for his granddaughter’s golden birthday, and director Jamie Graf did not want him at dress rehearsal because the cast was not ready. But thankfully, a loyal reader (Anita Mau) who heard about Dan’s absence, took it upon herself to fill in – and did an admirable job, we must admit! Unfortunately, photos that were promised, never arrived.) I heard that you missed the EPC Drama Department performance of “Bye Bye Birdie”. I have absolutely no qualifications to give a review, but thought that the kids dese...
It’s not easy being a mom. If it were, Dad would do it. Today we honor cooks, nurses, chauffeurs, counselors, teachers, maids and referees … in other words – moms. A good mother loves her kids. A great mother still loves them when they’re teenagers. Remember, your children should always be your inspiration … even if it is only to drink more. Mommy has a headache, so you kids go play in traffic. It’s not easy being a mother these days … Texting in all caps just doesn’t have the same impact as good, old-fashioned YELLING! Mother’s Day sh...
Enjoy a vocal night of tight musical harmonies and solos by the Royal Scots Friday, May 12 at 7:30 p.m. in the Fine Arts Theatre at the Ferguson Fine Arts Center, 2998 W. Pearl City Rd., Freeport, Ill. Since 1967, the Royal Scots has been the premier vocal ensemble in the region. The 56th Annual Royal Scots Show is a high-energy performance of vocal jazz, a cappella, du-wop, musicals, gospel, and pop music. Featuring the hottest stage band on the prairie, the 8-piece Highland Watch band lays down the groove for a fun-filled evening of music....
On August 27, 1832, Black Hawk and his remaining allies surrendered at Prairie du Chien, bringing the brief but bloody Black Hawk War to a close. Only a few years later, Black Hawk's name and likeness began appearing on drink bottles, cigars, boats, schools, sports teams, and more. So how did America's Most Wanted turn into America's Advertising Darling? Join the Apple River Fort, as we host an evening with Clifford Krainik, author and historian, to explore Black Hawk's dramatic media...
Timber Lake Playhouse (TLP), the premier professional summer theatre of northwest Illinois, is thrilled to announce that The Lightning Thief: The Percy Jackson Musical, an "electrifying" (Newsday) musical adaption of The New York Times bestselling novel written by Rick Riordan, book by Joe Tracz, music and lyrics by Rob Rokicki will open at TLP on May 12 for one weekend. From page to stage, it's a thrilling new musical for all ages. With more than 100 million copies of the book series sold...
Tickets will go on sale at 8 a.m. online Thursday, April 27 for the Summerset Theatre 48 production of “Matilda the Musical,” which will be presented at Highland Community College’s Ferguson Fine Arts Center Theatre on June 22, 23, 24, 29, and 30, and July 1 at 7:30 p.m. There is a matinee at 3 p.m. on July 2. In-person/phone sales will begin at 1 p.m. Thursday, April 27 and run through Thursday, May 11. In-person/phone sales will begin again on Monday, May 22 at 1 p.m. Online sales will be continuous. “Matilda the Musical” is a captivati...
Lord, no matter how many times a week I have to mow the yard, it’s still better than shoveling snow. I came, I mowed, I kicked grass! Adult peer pressure … seeing your neighbor mowing their yard. I grew up in the 70s, our idea of gofundme was offering to cut the neighbor’s yard or $5. What? You’re asleep at seven on a Saturday morning? Let me cut my lawn so you can hear the song of my people. They say that the Fall is the perfect time to fertilize your lawn so it will grow extra tall and thick this summer. Which is precisely why I won’t b...
Enjoy a night of springtime melodies and music of the classics with the Highland Orchestra and Highland Concert Band at the Spring Instrumental Music Concert on Friday, May 5 at 7 p.m. in the Fine Arts Theatre at the Ferguson Fine Arts Center, 2998 W. Pearl City Rd., Freeport. The Concert Band and Highland Orchestra join forces to present a compelling evening of music including, "Led Zeppelin on Tour” arranged by Patrick Roszell, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor” from "Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood" and "Remembrances” by Highland student Conner Jord...
I miss being able to slam my phone down when I hang up on somebody. Violently pressing “end call” just doesn’t do it for me. I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work. I left my phone under my pillow last night and when I woke up it was gone and there was a dollar coin there. I think it was the Bluetooth fairy. Is it true that the security phones that work at Samsung are called the Guardians of the Galaxy? Do you mind if I strap your phone to my forehead so I can pretend you’re looking at me when I talk? No,...
The latest innovation in office safety is an airbag that activates when your computer crashes so you won’t hurt your head banging it on the desk in frustration. Uhhh, my computer just told me I need to upgrade my brain to be compatible with its’ new software. “How do you think my first day of Kindergarten went?” snapped Johnny at his grandma. “They didn’t even have wifi.” I’m sure this website is safe. As an extra measure of security, they make you sign in with your Social Security number, mother’s maiden name, your bank account, home add...
On Friday, April 21, bring the whole family to the Jo Daviess Conservation Foundation's annual frog walk beginning on the east side of the Meeker Street footbridge along the Galena River Trail in downtown Galena, IL. It begins at 6:00 pm. A great event for kids, participants will learn about the difference between frogs and toads as well as how to identify them by their sound or "call". Free to attend and RSVPs not needed. This is a catch and release event. Parking is available on Park Avenue...
The year is 1958, and the much-adored rock-and-roll idol -- Conrad Birdie (Dylan Olvera) -- has been drafted into the US army. His songwriter and agent, Albert Peterson (Hudson Groezinger), and Albert’s secretary and some-time girlfriend, Rosie (Caylie Schubert), hatch a plan for a farewell performance to take place on The Ed Sullivan Show, which they hope will help sell Birdie’s new song “One Last Kiss” and ultimately save Almaelou records from going under. To cap off the performance, Birdie will actually give ‘one last kiss’ to Kim MacAfee (N...
The Northwest Illinois Daily (a cooperative fundraiser) announces its March winners. The Daily Drawing is a drawing for 365 daily cash prizes from October 1, 2022 – September 30, 2023 to those donating for a ticket. Over $21,500 is paid out to ticket holders during the drawing year. Cash prizes vary between $50 and $250. A ticket may win multiple times as each ticket remains in the drawing each day for the entire year, no matter how often it may be drawn. Sponsoring organizations from Jo Daviess, Carroll & Stephenson County include: Caring Comm...
If April showers bring May flowers, what do April blizzards bring? Can February March? No, but April May. I made sure to propose to my girlfriend on April first. That way, if she said “No” I could just say “April fools!” I garden in the nude. It’s a lot cheaper than a scarecrow. April Showers Bring Mayflowers? False, various environmental factors determine plant growth. I’m thinking about doing a little work on my lawn but I can’t decide … concrete or gravel? If April showers bring May flowers, May flowers bring a strong sense of accomplishment...
The Highland Community College Music Department will present a concert featuring the HCC Chamber Singers at 7:30 p.m. on Friday, April 14 in the Fine Arts Theatre in the Ferguson Fine Arts Center, 2998 W. Pearl City Rd., Freeport, Ill. Enjoy an evening of beloved madrigals spanning from the 16th century until today, featuring the music of Monteverdi, Fauré, Morton Lauridsen, Gilbert & Sullivan, and the Spice Girls. As one of Highland’s oldest traditions, the select Chamber Singers is open to any Highland student who has extensive choral experie...
Easter Egg Hunts are proof that your child can find things when they really want to. Easter Eggs hide because they’re a little chicken. I’m looking for an adult Easter Egg Hunt. Instead of plastic eggs and little pieces of candy, they hide glasses and cans of cold beer. If you see a rabbit laying little brown eggs, don’t eat them, that’s not chocolate. There’s not point in hunting for Easter Eggs in my house. The only bunnies around here are dust bunnies. Each year at Easter my mom would send us out into the yard with baskets. Then she’d loc...
